Cathymove

Flying away is the only thing I know when it comes to a broken heart. Being the only one feeling the love is far too hard for me to bear. As one may say that being alone in love is the cruelest thing to face, I can say that I’m an expert in that. Most love stories are about those people who fall for one another, mine are completely the opposite. I am the one who fall in love alone. I turn out to be the one who remembers everything after it all happened and wondering what was wrong.
What have I said to him, what kind of gesture I made, what was he thinking, Did I over do it, When was he said “l.i.k.e”, Did he even said anything, or just what kind of clothes he was wearing and did I wear anything wrong. All of the questions normal people (who don’t fall in love) would never have, are buzzing my head. It will keep on disturbing me until the next 16 hours every single day.
Did I said something wrong and was I being a complete idiot and saying these awful things to the one I love? No matter how much I chat and drink with my friends, the feeling as small as humanly possible, keeps on filling my body. Then you will know part of your body that apparently existed and getting so hurtful. You will never know it’s there until it becomes injured. There is no cure for such pain since you didn’t know it’s existed inside you and it wounded so bad. Until there’s no other option for you but to go as far as I can to get a new start. Journey ends and love is meeting? That’s bullshit.
Nobody’s going anywhere to grasp a beer and found a delicate wine for no reason and I have absolutely no idea what I’ve been talking about….
The point is that the fact that he’s not “That” gorgeous adds up my humiliation. How can that particular amateur fool me and ruin my entire plan? It was probably because I was letting myself go and a thousands of reason which I can not grasp into my senses.

How ironic
After several mistakes, I can’t say I’m not finally learned something. One, love is actually never meant for me. Doesn’t matter what those advertisement said, no matter how history tells all great love tales, or churches promoting it loud and sound. It’s just not for me. Being bitter you said? no. I’m just being honest and real to myself. If there are some people actually interested in me, I know that they’re just enjoying my charm or that they’re yearning to touch my body. Such shame this last thing never occurred to me since all guys (and girls) has always been doing a lot of molestations to me ever since I’m 9 years old. Really. To top it all, this person I have a huge thing didn’t even give a second thought of me and being too polite to touch me. How ironic was that??! What about this one guy who really in to me even after he’s married? The answer is that because he’s such a jerk and his wife is 6 months pregnant.
2nd thing I’ve learnt so far is that it is useless to express your affection. I really envy those cold bastards who can freeze their facial expression at any occasions. Lucky person these people actually. Years ago I can hide almost any feeling I felt. There’s no reason why I can’t start that again. Being so yummy and crunchy all the time is killing me. I guess growing up include to be extra friendly in my family and I can not stop that habit. Really sucks isn’t?! Especially when others are just being so cool and acted so mysteriously you ended up being silly. Geez that’s so annoying. Feels like you are the Christmas bells and they are the boring eastern bunny. Go a head and fucked yourself you lousy pig!
3rd, life is such a waste to be wasting over without working or being bad. Why should I stop myself from being workaholic and being so selfish? Life is just once. So many things I can buy with my money, I gotta stop myself from being so desperate and just go shopping. After all those are my own money, I am fully aware of it which means I can use ‘em as I pleased. I must pay myself for being patient and highly understanding of my own self. A lot of people would find it hard to accept me as their body since it’s not quite perfect as one’s might hoped it would be. I must think of something special for myself, do you have any ideas, guys?!?

If life is a bumpy road who’s going to hurt your feet, mine can be called spinning road. Minor injuries and a slow pulse on the operation table is the best you can get. People can say what they want about my days but in the end it is me living it. They might say I’m just going with the flow or that I’m just too busy to notice these accidents. The fact is that I’m quite unaware of them when the moments occur. I didn’t realize that it was an abuse when it happens.
That was really a big mistake because once you didn’t realize it you’ll never see it coming. It was just a couple of weeks after my last one. I don’t mean it becomes a habit or that I’ve becomes numb to write in a calm way. It was just because I finally realize how sad I am now since those events basically change me. I am more and more resistant to opposite sex and threaten myself badly. I won’t take any risk thus I never take any action to fight for the “one”.
I don’t see any advantages of getting “together” as a usual common profit for anybody willingly to put their joy on someone else’s burden.

I can’t say I can ask for more after what God has been giving to me.

After several mistakes, I can’t say I’m not finally learned something. One, love is actually never meant for me. Doesn’t matter what those advertisement said, no matter how history tells all great love tales, or churches promoting it loud and sound. It’s just not for me. Being bitter you said? no. I’m just being honest and real to myself. If there are some people actually interested in me, I know that they’re just enjoying my charm or that they’re yearning to touch my body. Such shame this last thing never occurred to me since all guys (and girls) has always been doing a lot of molestations to me ever since I’m 9 years old. Really. To top it all, this person I have a huge thing didn’t even give a second thought of me and being too polite to touch me. How ironic was that??! What about this one guy who really in to me even after he’s married? The answer is that because he’s such a jerk and his wife is 6 months pregnant.
2nd thing I’ve learnt so far is that it is useless to express your affection. I really envy those cold bastards who can freeze their facial expression at any occasions. Lucky person these people actually. Years ago I can hide almost any feeling I felt. There’s no reason why I can’t start that again. Being so yummy and crunchy all the time is killing me. I guess growing up include to be extra friendly in my family and I can not stop that habit. Really sucks isn’t?!
3rd, life is such a waste to be wasting over without working or being bad. Why should I stop myself from being workaholic and being so selfish? Life is just once. So many things I can buy with my money, I gotta stop myself from being so desperate and just go shopping. And then afterwards I can buy almost anything in this world but I can’t be happy… Waw.

Beberapa tahun yang lalu seseorang pernah mengatakan pada saya untuk tidak pernah membaca “Maria Magdalena” yang kala itu menjadi perbincangan. Katanya iman saya tidak akan kuat (nggak perlu dikatakan apa agama saya kan?!). Seketika saya tertawa dan sejak itu bisa memahami orang seperti apa teman saya itu. Mungkin dia ingat peristiwa itu kalau ia membaca review ini. Khusus untuk orang seperti itu, saya ingin ia (seperti yang dikatakan Kahlil Gibran) untuk meninggalkan segala atribut agama, prasangka, asal daerah, perbedaan jenis kelamin, atau apapun yang menjadi ketakutannya, di luar rumah saya. Bila ia ingin membaca buku ini. Kita perlu memahami dan mengerti. Bukan mengadili dan mengelompokkan. Biarlah buku ini memenuhi tugas mulianya. Sebuah jendela.
Mari saya kenalkan pada si penulis buku. John L. Allen adalah koresponden Vatikan untuk National Catholic Reporter (NCR), serta analis Vatikan pada CNN dan National Public Radio. Empat bukunya mengenai gereja Katolik antara lain, The Rise of Benedict XVI, Conclave: the Politics, Personalities, and Process of the Next Papal Election (1992). Ia meraih gelar master di bidang studi agama dari Universitas Kansas, dan kini bermukim di Roma, Italia.
Sejak awal penulisnya memperkenalkan Opus Dei yang dalam bahasa Latin berarti “The Work of God”, ingin menggaris bawahi kedudukannya sebagai seorang jurnalis. Tidak berpihak pada mereka yang menganggap Opus Dei sebagai sekte sesat, maupun mereka yang mendukung kelompok Opus Dei. Ia merupakan seorang pelajar yang rajin menggali sampai ke akar kontroversi Opus Dei. Dari asal pemikiran Opus Dei yang di awali oleh Biarawan Sacriva dari Spanyol, sifat low profile para anggotanya, bahkan kebiasaan menyakiti diri sendiri oleh beberapa petinggi Opus Dei dibahas tuntas dari sudut pro dan kontra. Setengah dari nara sumbernya adalah mereka yang pernah menjadi Opus Dei namun merasakan ketidak cocokan dalam Karya (Opus Dei sering disebut “Karya” oleh mereka yang membicarakannya) dan mundur dari organisasi.
Kelompok yang disorot tajam sejak The Da Vinci Code ini rupanya memiliki berbagai dasar pemikiran tentang pekerjaan yang dilakukan umat Kristiani di dunia. Mereka meyakini bahwa setiap pekerjaan yang dilakukan harus diimani dan dilaksanakan dengan sungguh-sungguh karena sebenarnya mereka bekerja pada Allah sendiri. Tidak heran misalnya, bila ada anggotanya yang mengambil jalan lebih lama ke tempat kerja atau tujuan mereka. Biasanya orang-orang ini mengambil inisiatif untuk membaca Rosario saat dalam perjalanan ke tempat kerjanya. Bahkan bila dilihat dari jumlah relawan yang bahkan tidak beragama Katolik namun bersimpati dan menolong kegiatan Opus Dei, kelihatannya sudut pandang mereka memiliki pengagum tersendiri.
Organisasi yang berawal dari panggilan Romo Escriva di Spanyol ini kini telah berkembang dan memiliki kantor cabang diberbagai kota besar didunia. Beberapa afiliasi bahkan dengan terang-terangan mengakui kedekatannya dengan Karya. Organisasi sendiri punya kecenderungan yang tinggi untuk tidak mengatakan status mereka sebagai Opus Dei. Kamu akan menjumpai keheranan beberapa petinggi Opus Dei akan kecenderungan ini. Dan untuk itu silakan membaca sendiri buku menakjubkan ini karena hanya sejauh inilah aku bisa objektif (jujur saja.

Crazy months!
I get a load of new friends n planning big bro's wedding, and.....
Its gonna be my birthday, and.......................I JUST WON A FREE DVD PLAYER. YEAH!!!
But Then again there's death... and birth.
All of that before my 24th birthday.
I really think it's a blessings.

What would you think if that happens to you?!?

Just a thought

It is amazing how people affect the others. Some person may not have the ability to talk or to walk but certainly human as a social creature finds a way. We use communication as a tool to get connected with others. It is our need and sometimes we overdone it.
This is a story about my friend and me who has both well connection and an excellent influence with each other. I completely understand why our parents get a little distracted by the fact that we match like a twins. We have the same idealism, the same view point, and the top of all; we don’t have the same religion. It’s a perfect yet balance relationship everybody is yearning to have.
As a good friend we both have actually influenced each other’s life. Even our hairstyle is now traded. She has my curly hair and I’ve just straightened up mine, looks like her hair before. Perhaps the only explanation is that because we admire and respect each other very much. I like her independence and strong character, something I’ve always expect out of myself. She definitely has influenced me to be brave and fight for my own self.
I am happy to tell you that I feel more and more proud of myself with the new do’. It may seem some short of pointless thing to discuss about but for a single- 20 something-who her mother said she’s not as pretty as other people’s daughter, it is a crucial thing. This straight “thing” going on in me has been such a precious decision I think I’ve made. Doesn’t matter how few people said how terrible it looks, I’m absolutely proud of them. My proudest part is probably the very idea that I’m abandoned my parent’s advice. Probably the word that best describe it would be “their orders”.
Well, it might be a lame topic to talk about, but I’m happy I’ve shared something with you, my readers.

OPUS DEI : “Sepak Terjang Kelompok Misterius Katolik”
John L. Allen, Jr
Jakarta: Pustaka Alvabet, Juni 2007
Diterjemahkan Nurcholis & Muh. Syukri

Beberapa tahun yang lalu seseorang pernah mengatakan pada saya untuk tidak pernah membaca “Maria Magdalena” yang kala itu menjadi perbincangan. Katanya iman saya tidak akan kuat (nggak perlu dikatakan apa agama saya kan?!). Seketika saya tertawa dan sejak itu bisa memahami orang seperti apa teman saya itu. Mungkin dia ingat peristiwa itu kalau ia membaca review ini. Khusus untuk orang seperti itu, saya ingin ia (seperti yang dikatakan Kahlil Gibran) untuk meninggalkan segala atribut agama, prasangka, asal daerah, perbedaan jenis kelamin, atau apapun yang menjadi ketakutannya, di luar rumah saya. Bila ia ingin membaca buku ini. Kita perlu memahami dan mengerti. Bukan mengadili dan mengelompokkan. Biarlah buku ini memenuhi tugas mulianya. Sebuah jendela.
Mari saya kenalkan pada si penulis buku. John L. Allen adalah koresponden Vatikan untuk National Catholic Reporter (NCR), serta analis Vatikan pada CNN dan National Public Radio. Empat bukunya mengenai gereja Katolik antara lain, The Rise of Benedict XVI, Conclave: the Politics, Personalities, and Process of the Next Papal Election (1992). Ia meraih gelar master di bidang studi agama dari Universitas Kansas, dan kini bermukim di Roma, Italia.
Sejak awal penulisnya memperkenalkan Opus Dei yang dalam bahasa Latin berarti “The Work of God”, ingin menggaris bawahi kedudukannya sebagai seorang jurnalis. Tidak berpihak pada mereka yang menganggap Opus Dei sebagai sekte sesat, maupun mereka yang mendukung kelompok Opus Dei. Ia merupakan seorang pelajar yang rajin menggali sampai ke akar kontroversi Opus Dei. Dari asal pemikiran Opus Dei yang di awali oleh Biarawan Sacriva dari Spanyol, sifat low profile para anggotanya, bahkan kebiasaan menyakiti diri sendiri oleh beberapa petinggi Opus Dei dibahas tuntas dari sudut pro dan kontra. Setengah dari nara sumbernya adalah mereka yang pernah menjadi Opus Dei namun merasakan ketidak cocokan dalam Karya (Opus Dei sering disebut “Karya” oleh mereka yang membicarakannya) dan mundur dari organisasi.
Kelompok yang disorot tajam sejak The Da Vinci Code ini rupanya memiliki berbagai dasar pemikiran tentang pekerjaan yang dilakukan umat Kristiani di dunia. Mereka meyakini bahwa setiap pekerjaan yang dilakukan harus diimani dan dilaksanakan dengan sungguh-sungguh karena sebenarnya mereka bekerja pada Allah sendiri. Tidak heran misalnya, bila ada anggotanya yang mengambil jalan lebih lama ke tempat kerja atau tujuan mereka. Biasanya orang-orang ini mengambil inisiatif untuk membaca Rosario saat dalam perjalanan ke tempat kerjanya. Bahkan bila dilihat dari jumlah relawan yang bahkan tidak beragama Katolik namun bersimpati dan menolong kegiatan Opus Dei, kelihatannya sudut pandang mereka memiliki pengagum tersendiri.
Organisasi yang berawal dari panggilan Romo Escriva di Spanyol ini kini telah berkembang dan memiliki kantor cabang diberbagai kota besar didunia. Beberapa afiliasi bahkan dengan terang-terangan mengakui kedekatannya dengan Karya. Organisasi sendiri punya kecenderungan yang tinggi untuk tidak mengatakan status mereka sebagai Opus Dei. Kamu akan menjumpai keheranan beberapa petinggi Opus Dei akan kecenderungan ini. Dan untuk itu silakan membaca sendiri buku menakjubkan ini karena hanya sejauh inilah aku bisa objektif (jujur saja.

What a tremendous time eva!
This month hasn't come to an end ..yet. And I met a lot of new interesting person . April really does their magic.
1st My big bro's wedding, and 2nd I win a DVD Player,3rd my Birthday 4th, I got a new job interview. And the best of all is to meet and actually make friends with a lot of younger people!!
I'm still waiting for the next moment!
I'm pasionate about this!

So tired of taking care of big bro's wedding!
Been up so late n things seems gonna crash. Or I'm gonna be the 1 crashin.