My thesis
(Day 1)

I should be writing some thing. One thing I must write is a thesis; the others are a novel, poetry, or just some short stories. But instead of writing something, I did something else:D. I kept runaway from it. In fact, it took a second thought for me just to write this! For someone who took writing as a cure for their heart such as me, this is absolutely unbearable. You see, I’m one of those people who pick writing to cure or to escape my problems. It’s definitely not a thing to be proud of, but I can’t help it!
Anyway, between this blog and my thesis, things have been going OK. I started to do my own things and I can actually do my own decisions. I mean, basically everybody must face a thing we called ‘growing up’, mustn’t we?! I won’t consider myself to be mature or something. It’s just that the pressures to finish my thesis are just so enormous. Everyone just seems to dedicate their lives to push me, from both of my parents, both of my brothers, and of course from my own mind. And it is also not helpful that I’ve just read some book contains the phrase ‘someone is quite useless unless they can finish college before their 23rd birthday’. Although the article inside it contains of precious things incase someone can’t finished (fulfill the society’s expectations of a perfect individual, yeah right!) their college years, you just can’t seem to miss the point about that perfect expectations. Indeed I’m an Indonesian living this Indonesian life, inside this anti diversity shell and all, but the college messages are universal. And perhaps we Indonesian don’t have the G.I. Bill, but we do have what you called empathy and the sense of oneness with the young soul around the globe.
Well, enough of this ‘trying to convince everybody that Indonesia is a nice place to live’; I want to enjoy this morning. Did I tell you that I wake this morning by the sound of a buffalo? Yup, it is as weird as it is. But the truth is that my house is just right next to the rice field. Yes you can reach the center of Malang (this town is consider as the 2nd biggest college town after Yogyakarta) in about 5 minutes, but believe it or not; there’s a rice field here. Maybe some of you doesn’t even heard of the sound, ya?! I can tell you that it sounds a lot like what you heard on TV, just sadder. The buffalos here are not the kind who will jump at you when you wear a red wardrobe. Our farmers use them only to fertile their land. So, the buffalos are quite boring and domesticated. It’s pretty entertaining though, living in a crowded Surabaya for quite some time; I never thought I’ll be able to hear such sound. Here it is, another part of my growing moment!
Hemh, enjoying my green tea in front of my PC; listening Wisnu’s ‘Kisah Cintaku’; the morning breezes from the door behind me; and the perfect view to the Mt. Arjuno. If you ask me whether all of Indonesian college girl (as Indonesian) drink green tea and enjoying the mountain view (instead of tall buildings) to start their day, I would say not all. Maybe I’m one of those lazy and shallow college girl, who would woke up late; drink some green tea and watch Oprah. I’m also lucky if you look at it this way. I don’t have to work my butt of and start to search for the scholarships on the net or else where.
Gees, this took me back to that thesis and other stuff I must do. This is my punishment as a thinker. I got to keep thinking of how fortunate I am and all that. Because you see, there are thousands of young people in Indonesia who are dying to have the opportunity like my self (it’s again; universally notice that college are a place to go to after you finished your high school) and a lot of them are my very close friends. And it’s not that I can go to universities abroad or something (which always are my deepest dream), but wasting this facilities (although not as much as you might think it is) felt so wrong. Yes I’m lucky to be on the middle rank of society, but I’m not lucky enough just to sit back and relax.
Everybody is expecting a lot of me. And maybe you felt the same too. It’s like you are diving to the great, fine lake; but you still can’t breathe unless you join everybody else on the giant sea. I mean, what’s the point of jumping to the lake on the first place anyway? You guys might as well think of me as the big looser, but I really need to start that thesis now. Wish me luck! See you again!