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Posts archive for: 18 August, 2008
  • It’s enough

    If life is a bumpy road who’s going to hurt your feet, mine can be called spinning road. Minor injuries and a slow pulse on the operation table is the best you can get. People can say what they want about my days but in the end it is me living it. They might say I’m just going with the flow or that I’m just too busy to notice these accidents. The fact is that I’m quite unaware of them when the moments occur. I didn’t realize that it was an abuse when it happens.
    That was really a big mistake because once you didn’t realize it you’ll never see it coming. It was just a couple of weeks after my last one. I don’t mean it becomes a habit or that I’ve becomes numb to write in a calm way. It was just because I finally realize how sad I am now since those events basically change me. I am more and more resistant to opposite sex and threaten myself badly. I won’t take any risk thus I never take any action to fight for the “one”.
    I don’t see any advantages of getting “together” as a usual common profit for anybody willingly to put their joy on someone else’s burden.

    I can’t say I can ask for more after what God has been giving to me.

  • Just me

    After several mistakes, I can’t say I’m not finally learned something. One, love is actually never meant for me. Doesn’t matter what those advertisement said, no matter how history tells all great love tales, or churches promoting it loud and sound. It’s just not for me. Being bitter you said? no. I’m just being honest and real to myself. If there are some people actually interested in me, I know that they’re just enjoying my charm or that they’re yearning to touch my body. Such shame this last thing never occurred to me since all guys (and girls) has always been doing a lot of molestations to me ever since I’m 9 years old. Really. To top it all, this person I have a huge thing didn’t even give a second thought of me and being too polite to touch me. How ironic was that??! What about this one guy who really in to me even after he’s married? The answer is that because he’s such a jerk and his wife is 6 months pregnant.
    2nd thing I’ve learnt so far is that it is useless to express your affection. I really envy those cold bastards who can freeze their facial expression at any occasions. Lucky person these people actually. Years ago I can hide almost any feeling I felt. There’s no reason why I can’t start that again. Being so yummy and crunchy all the time is killing me. I guess growing up include to be extra friendly in my family and I can not stop that habit. Really sucks isn’t?!
    3rd, life is such a waste to be wasting over without working or being bad. Why should I stop myself from being workaholic and being so selfish? Life is just once. So many things I can buy with my money, I gotta stop myself from being so desperate and just go shopping. And then afterwards I can buy almost anything in this world but I can’t be happy… Waw.

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